Yesterday, I posted a Facebook status that basically said I was done with cable TV. Well, it got me thinking that I'm actually starting to feel the same way about social media. I'm not saying I'm going to delete my accounts, but I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. My main reason is this: It's not the real story of our lives. What it usually is is what we want people to "think" our life is like. It's a snapshot. A cozy little image of our best selves, or should I say, "best selfies." It's pictures of our adorable children smiling big smiles, or siblings with their arms around each other, snuggled in their bed reading together. Where are the real pictures? You know, the ones from ten minutes before where the kids were fighting and screaming at the top of their lungs and you were locked in your bedroom counting to ten. Can we be real?
Where are the selfies after you've just given your child with Sensory Processing Disorder a shower and you're soaked from head to toe from all of the thrashing around it took just to wash her hair? Not to mention totally exhausted, your back muscles in knots, crying right along with her; both from exhaustion and also the thought that it's just not fair that a shower is torture to your child, even though you are just trying to be a good parent and keep her clean. Then, we move on to drying off and brushing the tangles out of her hair. More torture. Next comes teeth brushing. At this point, we're just praying the neighbors don't call CPS from all the screaming. All because our little girl has an over-stimulated nervous system and can't handle a single ounce more of sensory input. This is often my reality. Can we be real?
Social media can be a substitute for what our realities actually are. Where are the 420-something "friends" when you are walking through a deep, dark valley? I can count on one hand, maybe two, the friends who are walking with me through my valley times. And there's nothing wrong with that! We need to be careful who we allow into the valley with us. We need to be sure they are people who are encouraging us, speaking positively, and helping us to get out of the valley, not camp there. My point is that we can get unnecessarily lonely when we look at the number of friends or followers we have on social media compared to the number of actual phone calls and visits we get in reality. I know people who have, at times, based their worth on how many followers they have on Twitter and Instagram, or how many "friends" they have on Facebook. That is so sad to me. It's sad because that used to be me. Can we be real?
Where does this need for followers come from? Why do we get so obsessed with the numbers? Why do we compare our friends lists with other people's lists? All of these things lead us down a dangerous path of needing approval, craving attention, feeling rejected or accepted, and for what? And by whom? The only person we need to make sure we're impressing is Jesus Christ. The people who deserve our undivided attention are the ones who live in our home with us. Our spouses and our children. Too often, social media takes the place of spending real, quality time with the ones who are actually craving our attention. Our true followers. Our biggest fans. They are the ones who would rather spend time snuggling with you and a book, not you and your smart phone. Can we be real?
I got a serious wake-up call a few months ago when my youngest daughter said to my oldest daughter, "I really want to play a game with Mommy, but I know she won't stop looking at her phone. So, maybe we can just play later. I know her phone is more important." Oh. My. Gosh. I was wrecked. I thought, "Of course my phone isn't more important than playing a game with my child! I'm just crushing candy to take my mind off my legs feeling like they're being crushed!" But, that's not what my daughter thought. I am still guilty of spending too much time on my phone, but I have gotten much better since that day and am determined to get even better. Maybe to the point of not even touching my phone, with the exception of answering a necessary phone call, until after the kids are in bed. Better yet, until the next morning once my husband and kids are gone for the day. Candy crushing can wait. Tweeting can wait. Selfies can most certainly wait. Surfing my timeline can wait. There is no excuse I can give that will make my daughter change her mind about me and my phone. I have to show her with actions. Love acts. Love shows. Love proves. Can we be real?
What if we were real? What if the picture we paint isn't all sunny and full of flowers? I've tried my best to show my real side on my Facebook page. But there's only so much I want to share about my reality. I want to maintain a positive attitude and outlook that will be a blessing to others, not just one more sob story on someone's timeline. Not everyone needs to know everything you're going through. But that is why social media frustrates me so much! There are times when I really do want to be real. I want to say, "I'm really lonely. Open for visitors!" I want to explain more details of what I'm dealing with so that people will understand why I physically haven't been to church in a month. I want to share our parenting challenges in raising a child who suffers every day. And maybe I will. Maybe I can be real and still keep it positive. After all, my true reality is that Jesus is my source. He walks with me every day. There is always something to be thankful for, even in the dark valleys.
I will continue to ask for prayer when I need it. I will continue to post things that I hope will encourage people. I will continue to share my heart, my songs, some pictures, and my blog posts. But my attitude toward social media has changed. I want it to be the right kind of vehicle for the right kind of purpose. If it's not enhancing my life, if it's taking away quality time from God and my family, if it's threatening to trap me in depression or loneliness because I wish I could insert myself into the pictures I'm looking at, or making me desire to impress people, then it's not worth it. My value is found in Jesus.
I will end by saying that social media is not all bad. I've reconnected with many good friends from my past. I've strengthened relationships with people I thought I'd never talk to again. I've gained a lot of new, truly wonderful friends. I am able to keep in touch with my friends and family all over the country. That's why it's a love/hate thing for me. I love it for so many reasons and I hate it for even more reasons. However, I think it's where the future of communication is headed. I don't want to be a hermit. I just want to be sure that my priorities are in the right place. So, I've been real with you tonight. I've shared my opinion. The beauty of these "platforms" is that you never know who you're really talking to. I hope that those reading this will hear my heart on the subject. I pray that we would all just be a little more real. Make a phone call, send a card, show up with flowers. You know, like we did "back in the day." Can we be real? I think we can.
Love, Tracie
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