Sunday, January 29, 2012

I Know A Secret

It's pretty quiet in my house at the moment...a rare moment indeed.  The girls are eating pancakes and watching cartoons, and Lewis (our puppy) is on his bed happily chewing on a new toy.  I am also eating pancakes and trying to think of a reason why I shouldn't be completely content.  After all, these are really good gluten free pancakes, if I do say so myself.  The truth is, I've been thinking about the secret to being content in all circumstances and wondering why it's still so hard sometimes.

Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

When you read those scriptures, can you find the secret to being content?  The secret is that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.  We can draw on His power for strength and He will give us what we need in any circumstance.  At times, I catch myself reverting back to my own strength.  I try my plan first and when it fails, then I go to God for help.  What can I say?  I'm a dummy.  No, I'm just human.  I am a person who likes to solve problems, whether they be my own or someone else's.  I don't like suffering, and I sure don't like watching other people suffer.  So, if there's something I can do, I do everything I can to help the situation...but, here's my problem.  What do I do when I've done all I can do and I still can't solve the problem?  What do I do when I follow my Doctor's advice to a 'T' and I still have the problem?  Even more, what do I do when I've gone to Jesus and I STILL have the same problem?  Can I still be content?  The answer is Yes!

Is it easy to be content when you are in pain?  Let's be honest.  No, it's not easy.  But, it's possible.  Am I saying you should be content to stay in pain?  No!  But you can be content in the pain.  There's a big difference between being content while you're in pain and being content to stay in pain.  I know when I wake up in pain every day that God is with me.  I know that His grace is sufficient for me and that if I just keep breathing, he'll do the rest of what I need to make it through the day.  I am content in his presence.  As long as I know with all my heart that he is with me, which I do, then I know I'm going to be OK.  I know that His power is made perfect in my weakness.  However, I am not content to stay in this pain.

I know it sounds like I'm contradicting myself when I say that I'm content in pain, but I'm not content to stay in pain.  God's will for us is to be healed and whole.  He came to set us free from pain, but at the same time, he said we should expect it.  These are some of the mysteries that I've been thinking a lot about lately.  I will never attempt to "figure God out" because that would be impossible.  But, I do want to continue to learn everything I can about his character, about how he operates.  If I didn't spend so much time reading and learning about how much he loves me, I would be a really confused and depressed person.  Because why on earth would a loving Father let his child suffer for so long?  I used to ask that question a lot.  I don't anymore.  When you know that someone loves you so much that they would even let you continue to suffer if it meant that something really great was going to happen as a result, then you can be content in the suffering. 

Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." 

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I think letting perseverance finish it's work is the hard part.  When you're in pain and exhausted to your core, you don't want to persevere.  You want to give up.  But, victory is gained when you keep on going, keep on persevering, keep on trusting, keep on believing, keep on hoping...never give up! 

A friend of mine posted the following picture on Facebook a couple days ago and it really sums up what I'm trying to say.

I don't want to be the person who gives up right before my breakthrough.  I want to be the person on top who is charging forward, equipped with the tools that are going to get me to my treasure, my promise; full of hope and determination.  Is the work easy?  No way.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely.  I am doing my best on a daily basis to be content in my circumstances, but not be content to stay in my circumstances.  I know I will succeed because I know God is with me.  I know he loves me, and that's all I need to know.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Smile

Sometimes it's really easy to smile.  Sometimes it takes everything you've got to make a smile happen.  I sing this little song to myself when I need a reminder to smile.  I thought I would sing it to you too, and I hope it makes you smile...


"This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it!" 

I CHOOSE to smile!

Monday, January 9, 2012

...And A Happy New Year!

It's been several weeks since my last post.  It's amazing how December flies by!  Every year, for me anyway, December seems to go by the fastest.  In some ways, I wish time would slow down at Christmastime.  I have to admit that this year, I was kind of happy that it went by quickly.  I was ready for the New Year.  I kept thinking that if I could just get through the end of 2011 then I could breathe a sigh of relief.  2011 has been a rough year...one of the worst I've had.  So, I was happy to say goodbye to it.  However, a lot of truly wonderful things happened in 2011 as well.  When I stopped to think about it last week, it became so silly to me that I was waiting for January 1st, 2012 in such anticipation.  It's just a date on a calendar.  The same issues I had at 11:59pm on December 31st, 2011 didn't magically disappear as soon as the clock struck midnight.  It's a bit like the Cinderella story in reverse.  She knew her wonderful, happy experience would end when the clock struck twelve.  And here I was waiting for mine to begin when the clock struck twelve.  It's just silly.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being filled with hope for a brighter future.  We should be because we have a reason to be!  I think we should all be hopeful and content wherever we're at.  But relying on a date on the calendar to change your life is just crazy.  That's why I never make New Year's resolutions.  Not really anyway.  I know that my willpower will be the same, my procrastination skills will be the same, my body will be the same, and that waiting for a certain date to make any changes in those areas is just crazy.  If I really wanted to change, I should have done it prior to the New Year.  We're not guaranteed tomorrow, so if there's something you want to change about yourself or your situation, and you have the power to change it, then what are you waiting for?  Get on it!  Don't take for granted that you wake up each morning with a new chance, but more importantly, new grace and mercy from God.

I had a dream last night that I almost died.  I hate it when I dream things like that.  It doesn't surprise me that I had funky dreams because I'm reading a book right now that will, in the end, be therapeutic.  But right now, it's stirring up a lot of emotion and a lot of flashbacks from certain events in my past.  So, I just have to get through the initial phase of this healing process and I know I'll be better when it's over.  Besides, God is with me, and that's how I have complete confidence that this process is going to help me and not harm me.  He led me to the physicians I'm seeing, who are helping me through this, and so I know that all is well.  It is well with my soul.

I was really encouraged yesterday morning at church by a friend and pastor who I admire very much.  God is so good and he knows when we need to hear an encouraging word.  God uses people, he uses you and me to bless others.  I have found that the easiest way to get out of my own funk is to call someone up and encourage them.  It's always eye-opening when you listen to God and do what he says.  It's not just a coincidence when He asks you to do something for Him and then you're totally blown away by the result of obeying what he told you to do and seeing someone completely blessed.  If you're willing to be used to be a blessing to someone, then he will most certainly use you.  But, you have to be willing whether you "feel like it" or not.  It's usually the times when I definitely don't feel like it that He decides to use me.  Because then, I'm operating in His strength and not my own flesh.

I feel like this post is a little rambley and disorganized.  It's probably because that is how my mind has been for the last couple months.  I have so many things rolling around in my head, and even though I know that writing them down will help, I've had incredible writer's block lately.  Well, I'm determined to not let that continue.  Writing is therapeutic, it's something I really love.  So, it makes sense that I would be attacked in that area.  What do you love?  What's therapeutic for you?  Do you find that "time-squashers" get in the way of you doing those things?  I am realizing that I need to protect these things that I love to do and make sure that the time-squashers don't steal them away from me.  Because, in a way, when I don't protect them I feel like I lose myself again.  I don't want to lose "Tracie" anymore.  It's easy to do when you're a Mom.  It's easy to lose who YOU are.  It's easy to let go of the things you love to make sacrifices for your family.  However, it's really crucial that you don't let that happen.  Take time for yourself no matter what.  It will rejuvenate you.

Well, there is much more that I could say, I suppose.  I'm very blessed to have a wonderful husband who has been there for me as I've been so scatter-brained lately.  And I'm so grateful for my kids who remind me that life is much more simple than I try to make it sometimes.  And I'm thankful for my crazy puppy who is a wonderful companion...most of the time.  You know, like when he's not eating couch pillows, or picture frames, or my cashmere gloves.  You know, things like that. :)  I pray you all had a lovely Christmas and a very Happy New Year.  I'm really excited for what this year holds.  I already have a renewed sense of hope and can imagine myself completely healthy and free from pain.  That is a miracle in and of itself.  It begins in your heart, and complete dependence on the One who knows every hair on your head.  Imagine where you want to be.  Think about it, dream about it.  Stay focused on the present, not the past, and always keep hope alive.  The best is yet to come!