I know it's been a while since my last post. A lot has been going on these past two weeks. We've been busy this summer getting together with friends, taking the kids to gymnastics, playing in the pool as much as possible, and being really involved with church and cell groups. We had our 2009 Wave Conference last week and man, am I filled up! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of the awesome teaching I received, the amazing worship, tons of people coming to Christ, and most of all, the words that were spoken to me by the Holy Spirit.
You know how I told you a while back that I was struggling to hear God's voice? Well, I've kind of been in that place ever since. Not totally, but there have been some things that I've really been seeking the Lord on and just haven't had the answers yet. Well, he answered me this week. I am in awe of how his timing is impeccable. Like I've said before, I don't always like his timing. However, I have learned from several experiences to trust his timing above my own.
The one thing that was the most surprising, ironic, crazy, whatever the word is, was that the answer I got regarding a specific prayer was exactly the thing I was running away from. Someone told me a long time ago to pay attention to my "self-talk" when it comes to asking God what he wants me to be doing. For instance, if you find yourself saying things like, "I'll do anything but _____", or "I'll do _____, but I could, or would, never do _____," you need to pay attention to those things because chances are, that is what you are supposed to be doing. Don't tell God what you're willing to do, just tell him that you're willing to do whatever he wants you to do. Let him use you where HE wants you, not where you want you. He can see things in us that we can't see. All we have to do is trust him and just be a vessel for him to use in any capacity he chooses.
Before the conference, I felt like I was in a desert place in my spiritual life. No one around me would have guessed that I was struggling, but I was. I was starting to wonder when I would get back to the place in my life where I was hungry again for the Word of God, hungry for worship, for his presence. I was so wrapped up in the "schedule" of church life that I wasn't able to fully receive from the Lord when I was there. Well, the main focus of the conference was change, and I have changed. I went into the conference hoping for a real encounter with God and that's exactly what happened. Lives were changed all across our church and I'm so excited to see what happens next. I haven't been in the presence of God like that in a long time. It felt SO good!
What I am going to work on now is my negative "self-talk". What I perceive about myself usually isn't positive, but it should be. I need to focus on the promises of God and how he sees me. It's how God sees me that matters most. I will leave you with a couple of quotes from Pastor Leon Fontaine. He said, "Feelings are simply what we say to ourselves about our experiences." He also said, "Personal significance is never achieved, it's only received."
